旧梦几则(附英译)

atarAXia novels:

1. 冰冻 

 

    我发烧了。做了好长好长的梦。其中一个故事是这样的: 

    从前,有一个冰做的小男孩,他爸爸把他赶出家,说:我不要你了,到太阳底下把自己晒化吧。小男孩在极度恐惧中连夜逃进了荒野中一处洞穴里。黑暗的洞穴里,他与自己的生命讨论了一整夜,那是《特里斯坦与伊索尔德》中会出现的独白。太阳出来时,小男孩得出了结论:自己确实是无用的。于是冰做的小男孩走出洞穴,走进了滚烫的阳光里,他的最后一句话是:我觉得好冰冷。 


2014年4月12日梦。 


 

Freezing

 

Under the influence of my fever I had a long dream in English yesterday. One of the stories was as follows: 

 

Once upon a time there was a little boy made of ice. "You're useless," said his father, pushing him out of the door, "go into the sun and melt." The little boy fled in tears under cover of darkness into a cave in the wild. Throughout the night he discussed with his life, about his life. A monologue you would expect in Tristan and Isolde. When the dawn broke, he agreed with his interlocutor and settled the enquiry with the conclusion that his existence was, indeed, useless. So the little boy walked out of the cave, into the boiling sun. The last sentence he left for this world was: "I am freezing." 



2. 宝山

 

    我率性走向后山,我的骑士不发一语,跟在后面:没人知道这看似娇柔的沉默女子,实是骁勇善战的首席骑士。我一抬头,正撞见小山丘上一位中年男子从老年男子的脖颈处拔出宝剑,血花四溅。“我的儿子……你竟然……”衣着尊贵的老人目眦尽裂。壮汉向倒地的躯体补了一剑,继而着手将父亲的尸体放进一个弃置在山头的破木箱里。当他掩好箱盖,大概是想到自己即将提早攫取王位,禁不住剑指太空,开怀大笑。等他走下山来,却望见了静静站在原地的我们。我与女骑士对视一眼,她心领神会,我们便掉头走去。

    “站住,女人!”背后传来大汉的吼叫。

    我们只继续走路。“女人!看见了还想跑吗?”吼声赶上前来,粗壮的手一把抓住我的肩膀,硬是把我扳了回去。我纹丝未动,缄默不语,只是直视着他,表示无心管这类家事,对他的纠缠感到厌烦。坦然的目光显然让他恼羞成怒。“你这女人,竟敢……”他怒喝一声,抡圆了剑向我砍来。霎时间,他的脑壳从中间裂开,一直裂到喉咙以下。残缺的尸体倒地时,我的骑士在他背后注视着我,半晌,收起剑。

    我们继续向山外走去,像什么也没有发生。一如往常心照不宣的沉默后,女骑士这一次忽然开口:“做女人对你意味着什么?”

    我想了想,回答:“意味着嘲笑。”

 

2013年6月梦。


 

3. 图腾

 

    在生物夏令营中,我打开一枚卵,赫然发现鸟的胚胎伸出一只爪,支着其中三根趾头。第三枚卵仍然如是。而那手势是新兴的邪教组织的记号。为此,我作为实习学生,竟以有限的代价被破格录用进实验室,被委任以深入挖掘其中奥秘的重要任务。如果这一现象被证明在物种中是普遍的,那么这一宗教将合法地获得对全世界的统治。

    “对鸟卵这几个月的研究获得了骇人听闻的发现。上周,我们得到了一个因早产而剖腹取出的未发育完全的胎儿,它同样蜷着手,伸出三根手指,正是那个手势。可要在人类身上做进一步实验,下一个样本从哪里出?”所长对我说。这是个没有超声技术的时代。

    “要不要考虑女性死囚中的孕妇?”我应道。

    “虽然是死囚,可孩子是无辜的啊。”所长面有难色。

    我沉吟了片刻,郑重地说:“那么,用我的孩子吧。” 

    院长深深看了我一眼,意味良多地笑了:“不愧是你会说的话。那,就这么办吧。”

    我看着院长笑着转过身,在白色的走廊中皮鞋嗒嗒作响地走去,一边把手抚上已日显膨大的肚子,心想:啊,又要和四个男研究员一起被关进那间地下室了吗。

 

2010年9月梦,时年十七。

 

 

The Totem

 

During a summer camp on biology, when opening a bird egg, I found inamazement an embryo with three fingers sticking out. The third egg sample stillturned out to be as such, while the gesture was a symbol used by a rising cult.Thanks to this finding, I, a student during internship, got a position in thelaboratory of the institution with limited cost, with the task of digging outthe mystery behind. If the phenomenon was proved to be pervasive among species,the cult would legitimize its domination throughout the world.

“We have made a breakthrough in the study on birds in previousmonths. Last week, we got a sample of human embryo thanks to an accidental prematurebirth, which was also clutching two fingers and sticking the other three out.But if we want to conduct further experiments on human-beings, where does thenext sample come from?” said the director of the institution. It was the timeswithout ultrasounds.

“What about the babies of the female prisoners with death sentences?”I replied.

“The prisoners are condemned; but the babies are innocent.” said thedirector with reluctance.

After a brief, significant pause, with solemnity I proposed, “then,use mine.”

The director took a deep glance into my eyes, and then put on asmile with profound meaning. “That’s what you would say. Settled.”

Watching him laugh and disappear into the pale corridor withfootfall of his leather shoes, putting my hand onto my visibly growing womb, Isaid to myself: get prepared to be locked up in that basement with four male colleagues.Again.

 

A dream in September, 2010, at the age of 17.



4. 寻找爱丽丝

 

    爆炸,喧哗。爱丽丝被掳走了。爱丽丝的小跟班,无足轻重的配角——我,肩负起了寻访红桃皇后、解决危机的重任。女巫用传音对我指示:“存在爱丽丝的世界一共只有三个。这个世界与另两个最大的不同是:交通规则。”我谨慎地穿过马路,感觉自己身处不同世界里错综复杂的异面道路中,是在一条蛛丝上行走着。

    然而我在蛛网的纠缠中忘记了自己的方向,忘记了自己的名字。在无穷无尽的信号灯的闪烁中,我甚至渐渐弄不清自己是在找皇后还是爱丽丝。最后我决定亲自拜访在幕后指示的神秘人。

    女巫家门口的走廊里贴着破旧发黄的妙龄少女海报。在和这发皱的女人坐在沙发上交谈时,因为勺子掉到了桌底下,我下意识地撩开桌布,赫然撞见穿着长筒袜的两条腿;惊愕中再探头下去,就看见了少女的胸脯。爱丽丝。

    我早该觉察出蹊跷的——我竟然让一个女巫指导我的旅途?沦为私人藏品的少女的下体已被改造。女巫是老女人,但到头来还是个女人。

    真悲惨啊,爱丽丝。

    我跨坐上去,摆起腰来。少女在身下发出欢快的叫声。这个世界至此显然已经沦亡,另两个又如何呢?

    女巫殷勤地询问:“感觉怎么样?”

    “不赖。”我说。

 

2010年12月13日梦。


 

5. 火车开过

 

    我又一次梦见被什么追逐而逃亡。只是这次奉命追杀我的是我的恋人。而我为了故事能够如约发展,也尽责地、战栗地、没命地向前狂奔。

    二人一直追逐到一座铁轨边。我被火车生生拦住视线,只得停下来等它开过,而身后的恋人也停了下来。两人沉默不语,仿佛等着看故事如何继续。

    火车驶到视野的边缘,却又调过头——这里的轨道竟是360度的转弯。我呆呆地看火车原路折返,并在铁轨后面,露出一堵秃墙。

    因为不再有前方,所以不再有追逐和逃亡。这时两个人说:“任务完成了。再也不要回去了。永远一起留在这里吧。”

 

2010年12月14日,十八岁生日前夕梦。

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